Zane has been sick for weeks now. Right when i was a my whits end (im sure he was too) yesterday he woke up from his nap smiling! Everyone is so much happier now! While he was sick he was the worst version of himself! I don't think i have even seen this version before. He would obsess over everything!!! One afternoon he FREAKED out because he just HAD to wear his boots to bed! Every little thing was a big deal and he would not sleep! At times it was even hard to feel bad for him he would be so evil. It was like having a newborn that could sling insults at you while contemplating how he could make everyone feel as bad as he did. He pretty much tried everything once and brought extra pain on himself at times for being so bad. Most days right when i thought it would be a nice little adventure if i just jumped over the embankment and go for a swim in the freezing water he would come around and say or do something super sweet. (i have to add he was having so much sinus trouble his ears were mostly plugged and we started having trouble understanding him when he would talk which didn't help a bit) So last week he came up to me holding a pen and paper. He asked me ,in a voice that sounded like he was plugging his nose while talking, "Mommy will you draw me a picture". I said "What do you want me to draw?" Zane says, "The letter B" "huh?" Irritated that he had to repeat himself he growls "The letter B....PLEASE" "ok ok" I draw the letter B and he looks at it proudly and says "The B says Buh" I say, "Now should i draw you a bunny Zane?" "No! How 'bout the letter L" It went on for about 15 min. He would ask me to "draw" a letter and then he would tell me the sound it made and ask for another:) 2 yrs old going on 5 i guess.

Jordan tries out a grumpy face

Proof that my well mannered child can attempt a fit that he forgot to throw when he was two! For some reason Jordan decided to be out of character and try to tell me he was not going to do what i said...so this picture came about. Notice everyones face. Mommy just said 'you will stand here for one lousy picture if it kills you'. Notice Zanes face...wondering how mom can go from shooting fire from her eyes to smiling before the camera flashed. And Jordan...! :) Well he asked me to delete this photo and cried and said he was so sorry he ruined the picture! Now that is the Jordan I know and love :P But im mom i can't delete it i have to document it because someday (even right now for me) we will all laugh at this funny picture. With its beautiful background, mommy at boiling point, Jordan trying out his stubborn face and Zane,well im sure he is just thinking of what he can get away with while im focused on Jordan :) I love my kids!

Field trip!

We went on a field trip last Friday to the Seattle Space Needle and Childrens Museum with other families from Jordans Homeschool group. It was amazing and the boys had so much fun! We are definitely going back!

Poorly Named Childrens Book

I really don't know why he is even named Poo Bear! Zane just recently decided he liked the Poo Bear books. Seeing how he is a boy and already (probably due to the fact that he has a brother so much older than him) obsessed with laughing about bodily functions. So he looked at me funny every time i said Poo while reading to him. Now when he wants me to read a Poo Bear book He says "Read me Poopy Bear books Mommy?" Or if he sees a Poo Bear stuffy in the store its "Awe cute little Poopy Bear"

MY BOYS

Jordan (my almost 8 yr old) I would classify as a brave boy. Whenever he gets hurt he sucks it up and makes the best of it even though he Really hates pain. Jordan is a thinker! He will think about things in every way they can be thought out. If he thinks something is worth the risk he will do it, if he gets hurt while doing it.... he most likely wont do it again. He isn't grossed out by seeing horrible wounds as long as they are not his own though. He always said he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. :) Let me add that Jordan has always been this way from the time he was a baby. You could also sit him on a floor full of pennies and he would just look at them, pick them up, ponder them and when he was done he would go find something else to quietly do.
Then there is Zane (my 2 yr old) I would classify him as ...Zane! :) Stick him in a clean room and he will find that one penny you forgot to pick up and he will eat it! He loves tasting life! Anything and everything must be licked, chewed or at the very least(if we are screaming "Dont put that in your mouth") smelled! When he gets hurt, well here is a little story of what he is like....
I broke a glass in my kitchen yesterday and i didn't get all the pieces swept up because one found his little bare foot. :( He whimpers as he says "ouch mommy, my foot". I realized right away what had happened and picked him up and set him on the counter to get a better look. It was a fairly good size and in far enough his foot was bleeding. I told him what i had to pull it out and he said "ok" and sat really still. When i pulled it out it started bleeding more (of course) and he started crying a little bit more. To calm him down i say..."Zane your foot is bleeding" (that is usually the last thing you are supposed to tell someone!) He stops crying right away and says "I wanna see, i wanna see!" I turn his little foot upward and he looks down and says "Oh. Cool." We put a band aid on it and he says "I wanna see the blood!" To get him to leave the band aid on i tell him that the blood is still there it just needs to be covered to keep germs out. "OK" and off he goes to play after he gets his kiss (his kiss is very important to him :)

Birthdays...

Well we couldn't live without them i guess :) Its that time of year again. I have dreaded it every year since i turned 13 and was welcomed into womanhood with that wonderful monthly thing that happens. If this is what growing up was all about i wanted nothing to do with it. (After a few embarrassing moments i learned that was one thing i just couldn't ignore and it would go away!) Awe...life...sigh... such a wonderful thing. No really though its amazing! :) This is the very first birthday since 13 that i have enjoyed! It took a long time but it was worth it! I wouldn't trade a day of anything "bad" I've gone through that got me to this point!

The great debate as to when to celebrate my birthday i feel has been officially solved as of this year as well. :)
You see i was born on May 2nd at 11:50pm and my very tired father made a few mistakes on my birth certificate...one of them was putting May 3rd as my date of birth. So every year my family says happy birthday on both days and then tries to decided what day to have my party on. I could never pick one until yesterday! Yesterday(May 2nd) was wonderful! IT was my birthday!
Saturday was what started it all though. My in-laws had a party for me and i kept looking around thinking how lucky i was and loving the fact that i have such a cool extended family! All the cousins playing together and the rest of us sitting around talking and eating, it just felt so peaceful. (not quiet, just peaceful:) I couldn't help but think how lucky i am to have two families that love me! Then Sunday came and my family threw me a pizza party. As i worked my way from the kitchen to the living room stepping over toys and weaving in and out of children and a puppy racing around biting people:) I just took a deep breath. At that moment everything was good. Life isn't perfect but it is wonderful. There will always be hard times, you can count on it, but it makes the good times even better when they come! It is all so worth it!

To my family Thompsons and Conkles, thank you for everything and for loving me just the way i am (especially to my husband, since he is stuck with me till i die ;)! I am blessed beyond imagination! I wouldn't trade the life i have for anything! I love you all!

As far as my feelings toward birthdays...I'm glad i had one! :)

Clean Freak!

You try to raise them right. Teach them to clean up after themselves and do chores without complaining. Zane is now 20months old and will not stop cleaning. Most days it is cute and very helpful but lately if he sees a dirty dish sitting out he will take them and put them in the sink. Even if it is a glass cup or mug! You would think i would have learned the first time i came running into the kitchen yelling after hearing what i knew was one of my favorite mugs crashing and breaking in the sink. But i couldn't yell for long because the cutest little face just looked back at me as if to say "mommy i was helping aren't you proud?" So while i cleaned up the broken pieces trying not to let him see i thanked him so much for helping. I mean how can you get mad at a kid who every time he eats will put his dishes neatly on the counter if he is in his highchair and if he is eating in the living room will finish and put the dish in the sink!? But today well it just went a little to far...i was still drinking!! He took my mug (my most favorite of all, i love mugs by the way) as i went in for another sip of coffee! I said "hey wait I'm not done yet" to which he proceeded to look into the cup then drink what was left and shrug as if to say "there, i helped now can i take it". In the process of shrugging he drops it on the floor and it was gone... sniff... so of course being the wonderful helper he is he offers an apologetic "uh oh" and runs to clean it up for me. What can i say... I love how kids have a way of making you feel sane and insane at the same time. :) I LOVE HIM! I can get another mug...I'm sure i can not get another Zane!

My Silence

Its been a while. Not for lack of trying. I write things and then never publish them. Words still seem so empty and all the fractured sentences don't even really make sense in my mind. As i sit in my house on the hill looking out over Port Angeles, the water and Victoria BC I feel blessed.(amazing view!:)Most days I'm not sure how i feel. I don't like talking to people about it because in my mind I'm still so confused as to why i still have this feeling hanging over me. I can't shake it loose. I still cry at the drop of a hat and scream without even meaning to when i feel my kids could be in danger. He survived didn't he? Get over it, move on! Every time i think i have, it all comes rushing back, like a scratched CD that just keeps skipping back to the same song over and over! That is all i can see... my son...getting run over again and again. It comes when i least expect it.
All that said...I'm happy, not jump up and down i got a pony for Christmas happy, but i am content and thankful for a second chance to be the mother i want to be. And that's what I'm doing now. Still sorting threw all the strange mind games but so happy i have a husband by my side who loves me and two miracle boys. Thankfulness comes to mind. So maybe i can figure out what I'm feeling after all....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cvm2OYF2p7E

An epic poop story

So being a mom it is only natural to talk about things like this without thinking of how your child will feel in later years knowing that you were talking about them pooping to other people. Someday they can repay the favor, maybe i will live long enough to give them a poop story. Ok that is just sick...anyhow!





...Zane starts grunting away so Nate feels that it is time to start potty training so he gets him on the toilet. He soon found the reason boys need a pee cup when pee went spraying all over the floor, his pants and the rug. Nate quickly picks him up and Zane proceeds to put his leg, shoe and all in the toilet. Nate gets him undressed ,except his shoes and Zane runs off laughing. In the mean time Nate and i get into a discussion, momentaraly forgetting our child is running around naked. I turn around and see him squatting and scooting and it was to late. Like a little puppy he was leaving "droppings" on the rug, a stuffed animal the hardwood floor. I grab him up, not before he got it on is legs and shoes... I am cleaning him and wondering why Nate isnt helping and i can hear him laughing in the other room. I walk in to see Nate bent over his shoes wipeing the bottoms and laughing. Yes, Zane had done the biggest poo ever and Nate had stepped in it. We were all laughing (until I, being mom was chosen to clean it up) What a great memory :)

Never a dull moment

So my oldest son, Jordan, just turned 7 Feb 24th. A day before his birthday i took him and Zane to McDonald's to play. He always climbs on the outside of the railing going down the stairs into play land. At the bottom of the stairs is a metal bench. Somehow he slipped in between the rail and the metal bench, it is such a small space i really am not sure how he did it. He was so stuck and it took 2o min to get him out. I helped an employee take apart the bench. He was very sore, bruised and embarrassed but i don't think he will be doing that again anytime soon. At least he can honestly say "I did that when i was 6 Mom" :) Such a long time ago :) We went back there a couple days later and Zane and Ethan (17month old nephew), who witnessed the whole thing, are inspecting the bench and "talking" to each other. They were very focused for quite some time trying to figure out how to get the screws on the side of the bench undone. They gave up after a while and went off to play... kids are so cute :)

Curlyheaded soap eater

Zane is just one of those kids...EVERYTHING goes in his mouth. Jordan,my oldest son, wasn't like that at all. You could set him in a room full of Polly pockets, pennies and jelly beans and he would just pick them up study them and figure out where he could put them. Well that wasn't always good either i suppose. Jordan once took a penny and tried to stick in a light socket. I just happened to have a Glade plug-in in the outlet so he ended up dropping the penny behind the plug-in that was half pulled out from the wall. There was a big flash of light and it blew the breaker, not before burning the light socket black! He sat there wide eyed! I would like to say it scared him but he just sat there and said "OH WOOOW" like it was fourth of July and i should be proud. Sadly i had to give him a good whooping for fear he thought it was so cool he would do it again.

Zane on the other hand thinks the world is his ice cream cone. Everything must be licked or if its small enough put into his mouth. Which is what he is doing in the picture. Jordan got some candy for Valentines day so Zane had to taste the container.:) So yesterday it was the dish soap container. He got one out of the trash and tipped it back and took a swig(it was mixed with water). There was bubbles on his face and everything. He made a strange face and shrugged. I was horrified so of course he thought that meant it was a joke and he needed to run off with the bottle while attempting to do it again. Hours later he was getting into things under my moms kitchen sink while i was trying to help Jordan with his Science project. I turn around and he is making a awful face and trying to wipe his tongue off. It scared me since there is more than just soap down there! Since he cant tell me what he just ate i did something only a mother would do. I swabbed his mouth with my finger....and tasted it. :( I felt like i was a kid again getting soap put in my mouth for talking back. I was thankful that was all it was and i think that time he learned his lesson. He was asking for water and burping a lot for the next 15 min. and every time he looked over at the sink he shook his head while wiping his tongue and saying "no no no".

Lattes, eyebrow waxing, and the smell of my sisters shirt

Yes the title is strange:) So my life has felt these last couple weeks but these three things were my most comforting moments. (that and cuddling with my husband but he knows that already ;)

My sister Ti flew down from Alaska to be with us last week. She brought with her clothes for me. Strange the things that stick in your head. Like the clothes you were wearing when tragedy struck and now you just want to burn them. My beautiful sister has been through to much in her life but it all lead her to understand just what i would need. What she doesn't know is one of the shirts from her i only wear just to smell it.:) Call me crazy but i love my sister and somehow smelling that shirt makes me feel she is just a little bit closer. I love you Ti. You are amazing! Thank you for being there when i needed you most and didn't even know it.

Below is a link to her blog. Beautiful words she wrote for and about Zane:

http://titaniumpersonaltraining.blogspot.com/p/zanes-story.html

Children are a treasure

Waking up Sunday morning i never would have dreamed that i would be facing the possible death of my youngest son. It was just a normal Sunday, our family day!









That day God heard so many peoples prayers for our son!





As i witnessed my tiny son being run over i thought his time had come. (Most dogs his size bleed out internally within minutes after something like that.)



Zane hadn't taken a breath as my husband, Nate scooped him up from under the car tire and sped off for the hospital. I ran into the house completely dazed to get Jordan, our almost 7yr old son. I tried to stay calm but it was no use! I lost it! Jordan was amazing, he was in the car without a shoe before i could say another thing! On the way to the hospital I felt a strange calm, right before begging God to spare my son, I gave him to God. At that moment i realized the truth in the fact that our children are not our own! We are all His and everyone eventually will have served their time on earth and go "Home". Though i couldn't understand how it could be his time already at 17months old! Entering the hospital i heard the most beautiful noise I've heard...Crying!! He was alive! For how long no one was sure. The doctors were hovered over him and from the looks of Zane he seemed to have a broken collar bone, and leg and there was blood in the back of his throat . His face was covered in scrapes and was swelling rapidly. His mouth was greenish blue and his lips were swollen. The doctors felt he was damaged internally very badly. Given how badly his blood was oxidizing and how high his enzyme levels were they were sure he had lacerations to his liver and pancreas. The X-rays showed 5 broken ribs and a punctured lung with extensive bruising to the lungs, liver and pancreas. They weren't sure of his spinal condition or the extent of his neck injury. He had a strange bruising pattern on his neck as well. It didn't take long before they were shipping him off to Harbor View Med Center in Seattle. Being without Nate or I made it so much harder for him. I told the nurse to sing to him his favorite song and we were all thankful that he "calmed down" as long as he was being sung to. (He loves to laugh and smile at people he doesn't know but if you touch him its a whole different story...needless to say he was Very unhappy even while sedated) We reached the hospital three hours later. (the longest ride of our life!) When we got to the hospital Zanes face had already started to heal and no longer looked bruised and swollen. There was a surgical team standing by. He was getting more CT scans and x-rays as the doctors were sure they must be missing something. X-ray ed and scanned over and over and nothing. Still holding our breaths and praying harder than ever...at 9:30pm they gave the all clear to move him into the ICU and said it looked like he was going to make it. We made it to his room, all the while he is screaming from pain and the fact that i wasn't picking him up. But i wasn't to pick him up because they still hadn't cleared his neck to make sure there was no damage. We got to the room and he gets still just long enough for the nurses to release their hold on him. He rolled over so fast jumped up and ran across that bed so fast and literally jumped into my arms! One of the nurses : "Well i guess he just cleared his neck for us" :) that night was one of the longest nights ever. Just waiting and praying. By 3 am he refused to sleep unless he was in my arms. It was such a relief to hold him! By morning they had taken more blood, run more test and were really starting to question "what really happened to this child" His lungs,liver and pancreas were healing and the air pocket from the puncture was dissolving. His enzyme levels were almost normal. By Monday late afternoon Zane decided he had had enough of laying around and wanted up. The nurse got out the toys and before we knew it he was getting in and out of a Little Tikes car. From looking at him all he had was a few scratches on his face. By Tuesday morning the doctor came in to say he could go home that day and said "well, maybe he only go hit by the bumper?" Nate was ready to tell him he could come lay in the driveway and he would show him what happened....


So Zane is home healing beautifully! The images from that day will stick with us forever but the power and love of God is evident and overcomes all fear! I don't know why God chose to save our son, but i am enormously grateful! I look towards the future with hope and excitement! For what God has planned only He knows! Thank you everyone for your prayers! You were heard :) and for His glory alone Zane was saved!

Gods Gracious Gift

The meaning of the name Zane: Gods Gracious Gift

My 17 month old son, Zane, was run over by our family car on Sunday, January 31st. He was medevaced to Harbor View Medical Center in Seattle. We didnt know if he was going to make it but since there was no room in the chopper my husband and i had to drive 3 hours to get there. I kept hearing this song on the radio. It wasnt until this morning that i fully listened to it...and cried. That and the song "Oh How He Loves Us" By David Chowder

Zanes story will be here shortly...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7elxC8LXfzE

"What Faith Can Do"
By Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise