Clean Freak!

You try to raise them right. Teach them to clean up after themselves and do chores without complaining. Zane is now 20months old and will not stop cleaning. Most days it is cute and very helpful but lately if he sees a dirty dish sitting out he will take them and put them in the sink. Even if it is a glass cup or mug! You would think i would have learned the first time i came running into the kitchen yelling after hearing what i knew was one of my favorite mugs crashing and breaking in the sink. But i couldn't yell for long because the cutest little face just looked back at me as if to say "mommy i was helping aren't you proud?" So while i cleaned up the broken pieces trying not to let him see i thanked him so much for helping. I mean how can you get mad at a kid who every time he eats will put his dishes neatly on the counter if he is in his highchair and if he is eating in the living room will finish and put the dish in the sink!? But today well it just went a little to far...i was still drinking!! He took my mug (my most favorite of all, i love mugs by the way) as i went in for another sip of coffee! I said "hey wait I'm not done yet" to which he proceeded to look into the cup then drink what was left and shrug as if to say "there, i helped now can i take it". In the process of shrugging he drops it on the floor and it was gone... sniff... so of course being the wonderful helper he is he offers an apologetic "uh oh" and runs to clean it up for me. What can i say... I love how kids have a way of making you feel sane and insane at the same time. :) I LOVE HIM! I can get another mug...I'm sure i can not get another Zane!

My Silence

Its been a while. Not for lack of trying. I write things and then never publish them. Words still seem so empty and all the fractured sentences don't even really make sense in my mind. As i sit in my house on the hill looking out over Port Angeles, the water and Victoria BC I feel blessed.(amazing view!:)Most days I'm not sure how i feel. I don't like talking to people about it because in my mind I'm still so confused as to why i still have this feeling hanging over me. I can't shake it loose. I still cry at the drop of a hat and scream without even meaning to when i feel my kids could be in danger. He survived didn't he? Get over it, move on! Every time i think i have, it all comes rushing back, like a scratched CD that just keeps skipping back to the same song over and over! That is all i can see... my son...getting run over again and again. It comes when i least expect it.
All that said...I'm happy, not jump up and down i got a pony for Christmas happy, but i am content and thankful for a second chance to be the mother i want to be. And that's what I'm doing now. Still sorting threw all the strange mind games but so happy i have a husband by my side who loves me and two miracle boys. Thankfulness comes to mind. So maybe i can figure out what I'm feeling after all....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cvm2OYF2p7E