Birthdays...

Well we couldn't live without them i guess :) Its that time of year again. I have dreaded it every year since i turned 13 and was welcomed into womanhood with that wonderful monthly thing that happens. If this is what growing up was all about i wanted nothing to do with it. (After a few embarrassing moments i learned that was one thing i just couldn't ignore and it would go away!) Awe...life...sigh... such a wonderful thing. No really though its amazing! :) This is the very first birthday since 13 that i have enjoyed! It took a long time but it was worth it! I wouldn't trade a day of anything "bad" I've gone through that got me to this point!

The great debate as to when to celebrate my birthday i feel has been officially solved as of this year as well. :)
You see i was born on May 2nd at 11:50pm and my very tired father made a few mistakes on my birth certificate...one of them was putting May 3rd as my date of birth. So every year my family says happy birthday on both days and then tries to decided what day to have my party on. I could never pick one until yesterday! Yesterday(May 2nd) was wonderful! IT was my birthday!
Saturday was what started it all though. My in-laws had a party for me and i kept looking around thinking how lucky i was and loving the fact that i have such a cool extended family! All the cousins playing together and the rest of us sitting around talking and eating, it just felt so peaceful. (not quiet, just peaceful:) I couldn't help but think how lucky i am to have two families that love me! Then Sunday came and my family threw me a pizza party. As i worked my way from the kitchen to the living room stepping over toys and weaving in and out of children and a puppy racing around biting people:) I just took a deep breath. At that moment everything was good. Life isn't perfect but it is wonderful. There will always be hard times, you can count on it, but it makes the good times even better when they come! It is all so worth it!

To my family Thompsons and Conkles, thank you for everything and for loving me just the way i am (especially to my husband, since he is stuck with me till i die ;)! I am blessed beyond imagination! I wouldn't trade the life i have for anything! I love you all!

As far as my feelings toward birthdays...I'm glad i had one! :)

Clean Freak!

You try to raise them right. Teach them to clean up after themselves and do chores without complaining. Zane is now 20months old and will not stop cleaning. Most days it is cute and very helpful but lately if he sees a dirty dish sitting out he will take them and put them in the sink. Even if it is a glass cup or mug! You would think i would have learned the first time i came running into the kitchen yelling after hearing what i knew was one of my favorite mugs crashing and breaking in the sink. But i couldn't yell for long because the cutest little face just looked back at me as if to say "mommy i was helping aren't you proud?" So while i cleaned up the broken pieces trying not to let him see i thanked him so much for helping. I mean how can you get mad at a kid who every time he eats will put his dishes neatly on the counter if he is in his highchair and if he is eating in the living room will finish and put the dish in the sink!? But today well it just went a little to far...i was still drinking!! He took my mug (my most favorite of all, i love mugs by the way) as i went in for another sip of coffee! I said "hey wait I'm not done yet" to which he proceeded to look into the cup then drink what was left and shrug as if to say "there, i helped now can i take it". In the process of shrugging he drops it on the floor and it was gone... sniff... so of course being the wonderful helper he is he offers an apologetic "uh oh" and runs to clean it up for me. What can i say... I love how kids have a way of making you feel sane and insane at the same time. :) I LOVE HIM! I can get another mug...I'm sure i can not get another Zane!

My Silence

Its been a while. Not for lack of trying. I write things and then never publish them. Words still seem so empty and all the fractured sentences don't even really make sense in my mind. As i sit in my house on the hill looking out over Port Angeles, the water and Victoria BC I feel blessed.(amazing view!:)Most days I'm not sure how i feel. I don't like talking to people about it because in my mind I'm still so confused as to why i still have this feeling hanging over me. I can't shake it loose. I still cry at the drop of a hat and scream without even meaning to when i feel my kids could be in danger. He survived didn't he? Get over it, move on! Every time i think i have, it all comes rushing back, like a scratched CD that just keeps skipping back to the same song over and over! That is all i can see... my son...getting run over again and again. It comes when i least expect it.
All that said...I'm happy, not jump up and down i got a pony for Christmas happy, but i am content and thankful for a second chance to be the mother i want to be. And that's what I'm doing now. Still sorting threw all the strange mind games but so happy i have a husband by my side who loves me and two miracle boys. Thankfulness comes to mind. So maybe i can figure out what I'm feeling after all....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cvm2OYF2p7E

An epic poop story

So being a mom it is only natural to talk about things like this without thinking of how your child will feel in later years knowing that you were talking about them pooping to other people. Someday they can repay the favor, maybe i will live long enough to give them a poop story. Ok that is just sick...anyhow!





...Zane starts grunting away so Nate feels that it is time to start potty training so he gets him on the toilet. He soon found the reason boys need a pee cup when pee went spraying all over the floor, his pants and the rug. Nate quickly picks him up and Zane proceeds to put his leg, shoe and all in the toilet. Nate gets him undressed ,except his shoes and Zane runs off laughing. In the mean time Nate and i get into a discussion, momentaraly forgetting our child is running around naked. I turn around and see him squatting and scooting and it was to late. Like a little puppy he was leaving "droppings" on the rug, a stuffed animal the hardwood floor. I grab him up, not before he got it on is legs and shoes... I am cleaning him and wondering why Nate isnt helping and i can hear him laughing in the other room. I walk in to see Nate bent over his shoes wipeing the bottoms and laughing. Yes, Zane had done the biggest poo ever and Nate had stepped in it. We were all laughing (until I, being mom was chosen to clean it up) What a great memory :)

Never a dull moment

So my oldest son, Jordan, just turned 7 Feb 24th. A day before his birthday i took him and Zane to McDonald's to play. He always climbs on the outside of the railing going down the stairs into play land. At the bottom of the stairs is a metal bench. Somehow he slipped in between the rail and the metal bench, it is such a small space i really am not sure how he did it. He was so stuck and it took 2o min to get him out. I helped an employee take apart the bench. He was very sore, bruised and embarrassed but i don't think he will be doing that again anytime soon. At least he can honestly say "I did that when i was 6 Mom" :) Such a long time ago :) We went back there a couple days later and Zane and Ethan (17month old nephew), who witnessed the whole thing, are inspecting the bench and "talking" to each other. They were very focused for quite some time trying to figure out how to get the screws on the side of the bench undone. They gave up after a while and went off to play... kids are so cute :)

Curlyheaded soap eater

Zane is just one of those kids...EVERYTHING goes in his mouth. Jordan,my oldest son, wasn't like that at all. You could set him in a room full of Polly pockets, pennies and jelly beans and he would just pick them up study them and figure out where he could put them. Well that wasn't always good either i suppose. Jordan once took a penny and tried to stick in a light socket. I just happened to have a Glade plug-in in the outlet so he ended up dropping the penny behind the plug-in that was half pulled out from the wall. There was a big flash of light and it blew the breaker, not before burning the light socket black! He sat there wide eyed! I would like to say it scared him but he just sat there and said "OH WOOOW" like it was fourth of July and i should be proud. Sadly i had to give him a good whooping for fear he thought it was so cool he would do it again.

Zane on the other hand thinks the world is his ice cream cone. Everything must be licked or if its small enough put into his mouth. Which is what he is doing in the picture. Jordan got some candy for Valentines day so Zane had to taste the container.:) So yesterday it was the dish soap container. He got one out of the trash and tipped it back and took a swig(it was mixed with water). There was bubbles on his face and everything. He made a strange face and shrugged. I was horrified so of course he thought that meant it was a joke and he needed to run off with the bottle while attempting to do it again. Hours later he was getting into things under my moms kitchen sink while i was trying to help Jordan with his Science project. I turn around and he is making a awful face and trying to wipe his tongue off. It scared me since there is more than just soap down there! Since he cant tell me what he just ate i did something only a mother would do. I swabbed his mouth with my finger....and tasted it. :( I felt like i was a kid again getting soap put in my mouth for talking back. I was thankful that was all it was and i think that time he learned his lesson. He was asking for water and burping a lot for the next 15 min. and every time he looked over at the sink he shook his head while wiping his tongue and saying "no no no".

Lattes, eyebrow waxing, and the smell of my sisters shirt

Yes the title is strange:) So my life has felt these last couple weeks but these three things were my most comforting moments. (that and cuddling with my husband but he knows that already ;)

My sister Ti flew down from Alaska to be with us last week. She brought with her clothes for me. Strange the things that stick in your head. Like the clothes you were wearing when tragedy struck and now you just want to burn them. My beautiful sister has been through to much in her life but it all lead her to understand just what i would need. What she doesn't know is one of the shirts from her i only wear just to smell it.:) Call me crazy but i love my sister and somehow smelling that shirt makes me feel she is just a little bit closer. I love you Ti. You are amazing! Thank you for being there when i needed you most and didn't even know it.

Below is a link to her blog. Beautiful words she wrote for and about Zane:

http://titaniumpersonaltraining.blogspot.com/p/zanes-story.html