Quinoa handburger (yes i said handburger, look it up;) buns

1/3 C quinoa flour
1/3 C coconut flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 Tbsp Beef Gelatin Powder

1/3 cup coconut oil (melted)

4 eggs

350 oven cook for 10 min.
Combine dry ingredients with hand held mixer. Pour melted coconut oil in and mix till completely combined. Add 4 eggs and mix again well.(dont over mix though;) let sit no longer than 2-3 min. spoon onto either greased pan or parchment paper. I make six big buns (which is three sandwiches i dont cut them in half to serve) I am still in experiment phase with this so last time i made them i flattened them out a little before cooking them and i liked how they looked better. (they will rise)  let them cool for about 10 min on a rack

I am thinking about adding one more egg to see how it turns out...ill let you know :)

Zane

My little boy, not so little anymore. He is 4 1/2 and acts like he is 6. He can read now and loves learning. He loves to draw which is something i forgot to say about Jordan...he will sit and draw detailed pictures or all sorts of amazing things! They hang out together and draw when they arent playing with legos or wrestling. Zane is a wonderful happy child. He loves his baby sister and when Jordan is doing school he will sit with her and read to her and play games. I really love the age differences because it made it possible for bonding to naturally happen. When Niko was smaller, before school started, Jordan was her main man and she pretty much ignored Zane and he didnt really care. As Niko got bigger and school started i was busy with Jordan so Zane took over big brother responsibility and an instant bond formed! When they are all together the boys are amazing to watch with her. Its like they are connected mentally. They play together for hours which makes it easier to get things done. Zane loves to clean up and is always picking up after Niko and showing her how (she doesn't think pick up is as fun as dumping things out) Zane can play alone and be in his own little world just like Jordan did when he was younger, which makes for a crazy imagination. By the time school is out he is bubbling with new ideas for things to build, play, create or draw. Niko will also spend time in her crib willingly and play alone for up to 45 min during the day.  Zane loves the outdoors, as do the other two. We love to hike and try to get out every day. We take our two dogs and the pistol and off into the woods we go. Zane wakes up with a happy heart ready to start the day and if its sunny the first thing he says is "mommy its beautiful, we should take a walk!" Zane can be very quick with his hands when he is angered and being around Niko has helped with that a lot. He has a lot slower reaction time and has become more forgiving over the past 6 months. He has also become more aware of his relationship with God all on his own. in the middle of a movie a couple nights ago Nate had been asking if i felt ok (i didn't). I few minutes later with no prompting at all Zane started praying out loud that God would help me feel better... i cried.  ( excuse all my ramblings all over the place...i feel bad for whoever reads this, it is meant for my memory sake only at the point)

Jordan

Jordan turned 10 in February. Hard to believe it went by so fast! He is an amazing kid! He has such a willing heart and a gentle spirit about him. He is as smart as his dad and makes my head spin how fast he catches on in school. He is at the end of 4th grade and doing algebraic equations. He loves to build amazing things with legos and read books. He is always spouting off something new he's read about or asking questions i have to say, 'hang on one minute' to answer as im running to google it! :) He gladly helps out with his sibling whenever asked (or not asked) He is always expressing how glad he is that he has a brother and a sister, which makes me very happy since he is the oldest! He has a best friend now named Wyatt, who is almost 10. They enjoy going to the pool together or just hanging out building legos and playing Nerf wars for hours! They are alot alike, quiet thinkers. This year Jordans health has been better than ever. Our family went grain free for his health as well as mine and everyone has benefited. Jordan skin is clear for the first time since he was 4 and he has had no asthma or allergies since. Although he still carries an inhaler because he remains allergic to some cats (not sure yet why some and not others) he hasnt had to use it because now that he is older he is aware and can sense cats and will leave a building at the first sign of breathing trouble so it clears up on its own.
Now that he is ten a whole new world has opened up for him and he gets to go with Dad and Grandpa and do more manly stuff :) which he is enjoying.  Zane was not thrilled at first at being left out but now he knows when he is older he gets to go too and has figured out that means he gets to be the oldest when Jordan is gone. He gets to have more time with me and he is learning to be an even bigger help around the house. When we go out shopping without Jordan he actually loves it and the fact that he can be Niko's oldest brother and do Jordans jobs when hes not there. He takes his job very seriously!

Niko

So Niko is now 13 months old. Shes been walking on her own for a month now. She now says hi,bye, up, no, yes, mom, dad, hot,dog, ball, bed, night-night. she says "I awe oo" (i love you) while hugging and patting our backs. She also says "awe duh" (all done) signs milk, please, bath,drink,and eat. She can tell you what the sheep,cow, rabbit and monkey and duck say.she loves to hide and play peek a boo. She LOVES to sing and you can even understand when she says some of the words and can guess which song she is trying to sing! Its nuts! She has a very good ear for music. Everyday she says something new! Always watching and trying to copy anything new she sees or hears. She loves to climb up on the couch and sit with her blankie and smile at everyone. Niko loves affirmation. When she does something she looks around to see who is watching.She loves to color as well. (writing all this because if i dont i will forget what my daughter was like as a baby, its going by so fast) Today she got some nail polished and "asked" my to put it on her toes. We did that 2 months ago...she amazes all of us everyday. The boys are beyond happy they have a sister (even when she is a pain:) Not a day goes by that one or both the boys say "Im so glad God gave me a baby sister" my heart melts! We all feel so blessed to have such an amazing family!

santa...again

so we went to the zoo yesterday and got to see a special event.... santa swimming with the sharks! zane was completely  intrigued while jordan was slightly annoyed at all the children blinded to the fact the santa isnt real :)  after we were done at the zoo and the kids were all loaded in the car i hear Zane whisper "See Jordan, i told you santa was real! i saw him swimming with those sharks!"

Santa's my dad!?

Jordan, 9.5 year old, has never believed in Santa. In fact he was horrified, at 3 years old, that parents lie to their kids.(His words, not mine:) He is very big on facts and truth so we never had to indulge him in the tooth fairy either. Zane on the other hand ...well let's just say last year he was 3 and he wouldn't believe anyone that Santa wasn't real so I convinced his brother to just let it go and stop arguing about it. Well this year he is four and the argument began this morning once again. Jordan was upset because I wasn't backing him up in the truth.( I was saying nothing seeing if Zane would listen to common sense and reason of his brother) so I finally spoke up agreeing with Jordan and trying to explain . I'll spare you the conversation but at the end I said" Zane daddy is Santa, he is the one that brings you the presents." Zane

looks at me says very matter of fact "Mom, Daddy can not be Santa ! He doesn't have any reindeer" Jordan is dumbfounded at this point, shakes his head and walks away. Zane grinned from ear to ear at me and changed the conversation. Arguing just to argue!? Hhmmm wonder were he got that trait. :-)

Niko Alyse

Niko Alyse, my daughter! It still feels a little funny saying that after having two boys, I have a daughter! She is much different than the boys. My boys both talked early but neither one walked till 14 months. Niko started getting places by rolling at three months and army crawling by four months and hasn't stopped moving! She started walking around by holding on to furniture at 7.5 months and is now standing alone but has decided crawling is still the safest way to travel but I can tell she is thinking about walking. She is into EVERYTHING! The boys started getting into things about 1.5 or 2 but not this girl! Even though she is very curious she is proving to be pretty obedient. She can say! mamma, dadda, hi and bye clearly. She attempts lots of words and says somethings that only we( her family) can understand. I have taught her some sign language as well. People who meet her think she is a very quiet and serious child because I have only seen her smile at one " stranger ". She is a friend I see about twice a month. If she doesn't know you you can do anything and she will just make you feel foolish for trying so hard. At home Niko is a different person! A ham just like her brothers! Very vocal and always trying to get a reaction out of us! She LOVES her brothers,and they share the same feeling! She wrestles with Zane and pulls his hair so hard he surrenders.... that one not so funny,we at working on being gentle! This week we made big steps in improving communication. She loves to growl to get what she wants. For the last month I have been working with her to use her signs especially at meal time. She will be done eating and instead of saying "all done" or signing it she growls loudly! Very loud, not cute, but funny when she first stared! So she sits very quietly while eating all her food an without fail let's out a very loud growl, waits for me to acknowledge her and then...she smiles! I calmly quiet her and say " are you all done?" While signing it as well. She smiles and says " a duh" for all done. But my work paid off and yesterday she finished her food and was about to growl she stopped, looked down at her hands and signed " all done" while grinning ear to ear. For the last three meals she has continued to be polite :-) she is so proud of herself as am I ! I love how much she understands and works so hard to figure things out at such a young age. She is such an amazing baby! There I'm done for now my iPad is driving me nuts and when I try to correct punctuation or fix anything it won't let me... so there you have it, run on sentences and a tumbled paragraph later. Good thing I'm writing this for me, because my memory is so bad I couldn't remember a thing if I didn't write it down to read later!

20 weeks pregnant with my third baby :)

late august 2011

been over a year since i last posted so thought i'd go back a bit now that the baby is 9.5 months old

lol

Before i forget i had to write this down somewhere...

I am rushing to get myself and the boys ready the other morning and I am in my underwear when Zane comes to me for assistance, because he is stuck in his shirt. (backing up for just a min) Zane has always had a thing for my brightly colored bras and whenever i do the wash he will grab one, put it on, and run to find Jordan so they can have a good laugh. So back to my story...kneeling in front of him i fix his shirt and he immediately notices i only have a bra on. He proceeds to put both hands on my boobs and bounce them up and down. I say " Uuh excuse me what do you think you are doing? Those are mine!" To which he responds, "No they're not" I say, "Yes, they are!" He says "No they aren't Mom!" I said "OK well then, whose are they?" He gives me a look, "They're Dad's!"

"Best day of my life!"

Lately we have been trying to do at least one fun outing a week as a family. (Going hiking, walks on the beach, going for ice cream etc.) On Sunday Nate came home at 3pm and canceled all our plans for the evening and decided we were going places! He woke Zane up from his nap we grabbed snacks and off we went to the Game Farm! I had never been there before so i was kind of excited.:) Jordan on the other hand had been there with one of his aunts about a year ago and was not as excited as i had hoped. As we drove i told him "You may have been there before BUT you have never been there with Mommy and Daddy!" He grinned from ear to ear and then looked a little worried and said ' Oooh k.. it should be fun..." Jordan is our more cautious child and now that he has been with us for 8 years he knows that when mom and dad get together things can get crazy fun and sometimes more crazy than fun(for some people ;) And as we drove thru the Game Farm we did not disappoint. We drove thru seeing many awesome animals and feeding the peacocks along the way. As we neared the Buffalo field i heard a click come from Nates side of the car and i knew the "fun" just got turned up a notch! He had locked our windows in the rolled down position! You can guess what happened next. Man those things have bad breath!! The boys were laughing hysterically in the back as i tried to feed the nasty things as fast as possible to keep them from moving the Jeep with their very large neck. To my surprise once Jordan had read all the warning signs and cautioned his parents as to what horrible things could happen if we didn't do what they said he had a lot of fun. I wont tell you every thing we did because then you will think we are bad parents :) After our little excursion we went to IHOP for dinner. Right before what our family calls IHOP sickness set in (getting sick from eatting to much IHOP food:) Jordan looked up from his plate and said "Mom and Dad the was the best day of my life!" :) Later that night Nate and i were talking about how in our families when we were the children always doing crazy things and being told to be careful. (i learned from some of my other siblings:) We both thought about what would happen "if" ... and then would do the crazy thing no one else would do. So now we found each other... and they say opposites attract... Now that we are older we think a little harder before being too crazy but still wonder how our children will turn out. Jordan is already proof that you are who you are and even your crazy parents can't totally take that away. I love the way he is and he seems to be the voice of reason sometimes as well..right before joining in ;)

Rated M

Jordan, the good son :) Not that Zane isn't but you know he is 2 at the moment so that alone tells you pretty much everything...

On this day i was taking a nap with Zane and Jordan was playing a new Tony Hawk x-box game in the living room. When i got up he says "Mom I need to show you something. I found something really bad on my game. I think it is rated M (the rating they give Mature games for adults only)."
At this point i am very confused because i thought his uncle gave him a skateboard game, but okay. He says "So mom, i will get it to the part I'm talking about and then i will leave so you can look at it. See, it says 'choose your sex' and i know that is a thing for adults only so i did not open it. You better look at it Mom. Why would they put that in a kids game!?"

*smiles*

Boys vs Girls

Since most of my stories are about Zane i thought it was time for one about Jordan. (since it is almost his 8th birthday:) Recently i became an aunt again...this time to a baby girl. After many boys being born on my husbands side of the family there was finally another girl. Since Jordan hangs out with his cousins for my husband side he hasn't been exposed to diaper changes of little girls since he was to little to remember. So when his aunt was over the other day and changing the baby he stared in horror and silently whispered "Mom, can i talk to you in the hall?" Very silently so no one else would here he said "Mom! She is missing her penis!" I said "Honey no, she is a girl, remember boys and girls are different." He says "I know that Mom, but she is missing her penis!" I say "No Jordan girls are different, they don't have one." Jordan looks at me with a grossed out face and slowly says "So that is what girls look like down there...gross....I don't want a little sister anymore I will take another brother!"

Zane has been sick for weeks now. Right when i was a my whits end (im sure he was too) yesterday he woke up from his nap smiling! Everyone is so much happier now! While he was sick he was the worst version of himself! I don't think i have even seen this version before. He would obsess over everything!!! One afternoon he FREAKED out because he just HAD to wear his boots to bed! Every little thing was a big deal and he would not sleep! At times it was even hard to feel bad for him he would be so evil. It was like having a newborn that could sling insults at you while contemplating how he could make everyone feel as bad as he did. He pretty much tried everything once and brought extra pain on himself at times for being so bad. Most days right when i thought it would be a nice little adventure if i just jumped over the embankment and go for a swim in the freezing water he would come around and say or do something super sweet. (i have to add he was having so much sinus trouble his ears were mostly plugged and we started having trouble understanding him when he would talk which didn't help a bit) So last week he came up to me holding a pen and paper. He asked me ,in a voice that sounded like he was plugging his nose while talking, "Mommy will you draw me a picture". I said "What do you want me to draw?" Zane says, "The letter B" "huh?" Irritated that he had to repeat himself he growls "The letter B....PLEASE" "ok ok" I draw the letter B and he looks at it proudly and says "The B says Buh" I say, "Now should i draw you a bunny Zane?" "No! How 'bout the letter L" It went on for about 15 min. He would ask me to "draw" a letter and then he would tell me the sound it made and ask for another:) 2 yrs old going on 5 i guess.

Jordan tries out a grumpy face

Proof that my well mannered child can attempt a fit that he forgot to throw when he was two! For some reason Jordan decided to be out of character and try to tell me he was not going to do what i said...so this picture came about. Notice everyones face. Mommy just said 'you will stand here for one lousy picture if it kills you'. Notice Zanes face...wondering how mom can go from shooting fire from her eyes to smiling before the camera flashed. And Jordan...! :) Well he asked me to delete this photo and cried and said he was so sorry he ruined the picture! Now that is the Jordan I know and love :P But im mom i can't delete it i have to document it because someday (even right now for me) we will all laugh at this funny picture. With its beautiful background, mommy at boiling point, Jordan trying out his stubborn face and Zane,well im sure he is just thinking of what he can get away with while im focused on Jordan :) I love my kids!

Field trip!

We went on a field trip last Friday to the Seattle Space Needle and Childrens Museum with other families from Jordans Homeschool group. It was amazing and the boys had so much fun! We are definitely going back!

Poorly Named Childrens Book

I really don't know why he is even named Poo Bear! Zane just recently decided he liked the Poo Bear books. Seeing how he is a boy and already (probably due to the fact that he has a brother so much older than him) obsessed with laughing about bodily functions. So he looked at me funny every time i said Poo while reading to him. Now when he wants me to read a Poo Bear book He says "Read me Poopy Bear books Mommy?" Or if he sees a Poo Bear stuffy in the store its "Awe cute little Poopy Bear"

MY BOYS

Jordan (my almost 8 yr old) I would classify as a brave boy. Whenever he gets hurt he sucks it up and makes the best of it even though he Really hates pain. Jordan is a thinker! He will think about things in every way they can be thought out. If he thinks something is worth the risk he will do it, if he gets hurt while doing it.... he most likely wont do it again. He isn't grossed out by seeing horrible wounds as long as they are not his own though. He always said he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. :) Let me add that Jordan has always been this way from the time he was a baby. You could also sit him on a floor full of pennies and he would just look at them, pick them up, ponder them and when he was done he would go find something else to quietly do.
Then there is Zane (my 2 yr old) I would classify him as ...Zane! :) Stick him in a clean room and he will find that one penny you forgot to pick up and he will eat it! He loves tasting life! Anything and everything must be licked, chewed or at the very least(if we are screaming "Dont put that in your mouth") smelled! When he gets hurt, well here is a little story of what he is like....
I broke a glass in my kitchen yesterday and i didn't get all the pieces swept up because one found his little bare foot. :( He whimpers as he says "ouch mommy, my foot". I realized right away what had happened and picked him up and set him on the counter to get a better look. It was a fairly good size and in far enough his foot was bleeding. I told him what i had to pull it out and he said "ok" and sat really still. When i pulled it out it started bleeding more (of course) and he started crying a little bit more. To calm him down i say..."Zane your foot is bleeding" (that is usually the last thing you are supposed to tell someone!) He stops crying right away and says "I wanna see, i wanna see!" I turn his little foot upward and he looks down and says "Oh. Cool." We put a band aid on it and he says "I wanna see the blood!" To get him to leave the band aid on i tell him that the blood is still there it just needs to be covered to keep germs out. "OK" and off he goes to play after he gets his kiss (his kiss is very important to him :)

Birthdays...

Well we couldn't live without them i guess :) Its that time of year again. I have dreaded it every year since i turned 13 and was welcomed into womanhood with that wonderful monthly thing that happens. If this is what growing up was all about i wanted nothing to do with it. (After a few embarrassing moments i learned that was one thing i just couldn't ignore and it would go away!) Awe...life...sigh... such a wonderful thing. No really though its amazing! :) This is the very first birthday since 13 that i have enjoyed! It took a long time but it was worth it! I wouldn't trade a day of anything "bad" I've gone through that got me to this point!

The great debate as to when to celebrate my birthday i feel has been officially solved as of this year as well. :)
You see i was born on May 2nd at 11:50pm and my very tired father made a few mistakes on my birth certificate...one of them was putting May 3rd as my date of birth. So every year my family says happy birthday on both days and then tries to decided what day to have my party on. I could never pick one until yesterday! Yesterday(May 2nd) was wonderful! IT was my birthday!
Saturday was what started it all though. My in-laws had a party for me and i kept looking around thinking how lucky i was and loving the fact that i have such a cool extended family! All the cousins playing together and the rest of us sitting around talking and eating, it just felt so peaceful. (not quiet, just peaceful:) I couldn't help but think how lucky i am to have two families that love me! Then Sunday came and my family threw me a pizza party. As i worked my way from the kitchen to the living room stepping over toys and weaving in and out of children and a puppy racing around biting people:) I just took a deep breath. At that moment everything was good. Life isn't perfect but it is wonderful. There will always be hard times, you can count on it, but it makes the good times even better when they come! It is all so worth it!

To my family Thompsons and Conkles, thank you for everything and for loving me just the way i am (especially to my husband, since he is stuck with me till i die ;)! I am blessed beyond imagination! I wouldn't trade the life i have for anything! I love you all!

As far as my feelings toward birthdays...I'm glad i had one! :)

Clean Freak!

You try to raise them right. Teach them to clean up after themselves and do chores without complaining. Zane is now 20months old and will not stop cleaning. Most days it is cute and very helpful but lately if he sees a dirty dish sitting out he will take them and put them in the sink. Even if it is a glass cup or mug! You would think i would have learned the first time i came running into the kitchen yelling after hearing what i knew was one of my favorite mugs crashing and breaking in the sink. But i couldn't yell for long because the cutest little face just looked back at me as if to say "mommy i was helping aren't you proud?" So while i cleaned up the broken pieces trying not to let him see i thanked him so much for helping. I mean how can you get mad at a kid who every time he eats will put his dishes neatly on the counter if he is in his highchair and if he is eating in the living room will finish and put the dish in the sink!? But today well it just went a little to far...i was still drinking!! He took my mug (my most favorite of all, i love mugs by the way) as i went in for another sip of coffee! I said "hey wait I'm not done yet" to which he proceeded to look into the cup then drink what was left and shrug as if to say "there, i helped now can i take it". In the process of shrugging he drops it on the floor and it was gone... sniff... so of course being the wonderful helper he is he offers an apologetic "uh oh" and runs to clean it up for me. What can i say... I love how kids have a way of making you feel sane and insane at the same time. :) I LOVE HIM! I can get another mug...I'm sure i can not get another Zane!

My Silence

Its been a while. Not for lack of trying. I write things and then never publish them. Words still seem so empty and all the fractured sentences don't even really make sense in my mind. As i sit in my house on the hill looking out over Port Angeles, the water and Victoria BC I feel blessed.(amazing view!:)Most days I'm not sure how i feel. I don't like talking to people about it because in my mind I'm still so confused as to why i still have this feeling hanging over me. I can't shake it loose. I still cry at the drop of a hat and scream without even meaning to when i feel my kids could be in danger. He survived didn't he? Get over it, move on! Every time i think i have, it all comes rushing back, like a scratched CD that just keeps skipping back to the same song over and over! That is all i can see... my son...getting run over again and again. It comes when i least expect it.
All that said...I'm happy, not jump up and down i got a pony for Christmas happy, but i am content and thankful for a second chance to be the mother i want to be. And that's what I'm doing now. Still sorting threw all the strange mind games but so happy i have a husband by my side who loves me and two miracle boys. Thankfulness comes to mind. So maybe i can figure out what I'm feeling after all....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cvm2OYF2p7E